This is the final installation of a three part series on one of Jay’s better career decisions. Start from the beginning with part 1, here.
Family friendly….a term open for interpretation.
This nudist resort considers itself to be a “family friendly” environment. They encourage people to bring their children and introduce them to the wonderful, frequently sunburned lifestyle of being a nudist. Now color me old fashion, but if I ever went horseback riding with my naked mother and father, I’m pretty sure you could still hear my dick screaming. I just don’t see how in the world that this type of activity could or should ever be considered a “family friendly” activity. As for me and mine, I’m glad we stuck to fully-clothed trips to Myrtle Beach. Anyway, after 10pm the Swingers come out and the “family” vibe goes out the window. The Game Room is where the freaks congregate. It’s a smaller bar at the back of the resort and it has some video poker machines, a pool stable and a dance floor. I had been drinking steadily since the late afternoon and was drunk. I’m not bragging about the fact that I was drunk, but you need to know for the sake of the story that I was loaded. Clit ring girl is there with her skinny, redneck manfriend and they’re shooting pool. They asked Justin and I to join. Justin sucks at pool, but I accepted their offer. Pool is the worst game to play naked. When you’ve got to reach over the table to hit a runner down the rail, you have to rub your goodies all over the table. Literally, my balls were in the pockets, and my ass was on display for the world to see. It’s hard to focus on your shot when you’re worried about possible dingle berry sightings on your backside (yes, I saw dingle berries on other people).
I was in rare form, and becoming the life of the party. I’m telling jokes, living it up and everyone was buying me drinks. Justin and I met up by the bar just to people watch. The dance floor was the center of our attention. It was a war zone of rubbing genitals. Housewives and grandmothers were grinding their bare asses into the swelling groins of their dance partners. Justin points out the man with the cock piercings dancing with two women and a throbbing boner. We made eye contact with him and when the song ended he made his way over to us. “Man, did you see those girls? They were hot. Man, they’ve got me so hard.” Once again, I do not know the polite way of getting out of this conversation, so I say, “Yeah, good dance moves out there. Really good moves; how could you not be hard?” Then before I knew it I was being lead out onto the dance floor by a very healthy, firm and fit 50 year old woman. She was a MILF. She had perky little B-cups and a C-section scar. The years had been kind, but there was definitely some mileage on those tires. She was all over me and I was like a kid in the candy store (please remember that I was very drunk). Two of her friends joined in until I was literally surrounded by naked women and their jiggling breasts. They’re dirty dancing and I’m dirty dancing back unabashedly. I grew up a fat kid and never imagined that I would get to dance with three naked women. So, even though it wasn’t the cast of characters I had imagined as a teenager, I wasn’t about to let this experience go unexamined. And then the MILF starts grinding her ass into me and rubbing up and down on my manhood. That’s when I felt IT move. The blood started to move and she knew that she had hit pay dirt. I backed up but she just kept following me. Like a scared little boy I panicked and ran outside. “I’m sorry I gotta get some air!” I suddenly realized that I could totally have sex with an old lady and I was very confused and frightened of the whole situation. Mostly I was nervous that I might actually follow through on my drunken impulses. I recovered and went back inside.
The place was crowded. I made my way to the bar and tried to order a drink. You know when a bar is crowded and you have to push in and lean over people to order a drink? I had to do that. Normally, it’s not a big deal because you have pants on. Having gotten used to the freedom of being naked, I forgot that my exposed sausage was draped across this woman’s thigh. The next thing I know this lady has taken my limp solider in her hand and started to tug ever so gently. Like she was trying to start a tiny lawnmower. I responded with a surprised, “Heeeeeyyyyyy”, and pulled back. This woman is drunker than I am. She informs me that I was handsome and hilarious and that she wanted to “play.” She failed to mention that her husband was right next to her and that there would be multiple players involved. I was flattered, but declined. My morals stepped in and saved me from a very awkward morning conversation and a possible STD. So, I stumbled back to my room and did the only thing you can do after being surrounded by naked people all night; I jerked off and went to bed with what little dignity I had left.