I’m sitting in Starbucks right now with Lindsay. She’s working on a project and she has ordered me to blog. So, without having true inspiration to write something, I’ve decided to judge/people watch everyone in the downtown Starbucks. So, buckle up for some quick judgments based completely on stereotypes and clothing.
- Chubby Latino Guy: I bet he’s a nice guy. I mean, he’s chubby, so having nice personality normally helps battle the bulge. According to his left hand, he is married. He was probably a nerd in high school and I base this on the fact that he’s got sticky notes all in the book he’s reading. Ha! He’s got a huge adult zit on his face. However, he might be a cool guy because he also has a knife in his pocket like me. We’re Knife Guys, so this guy is cool with me.
- The Two Old Ladies: They’re cute but annoying. They’re apparently regulars, who regularly leave their purses in the coffee shop, per the barista. For two old broads they are dressed spunky. One reminds me of my grandmother, if my grandma had a bad haircut and mousy looking friend.
- Mean Lady Sitting Next To Me: She’s playing music on her computer! WTF! Does she not know how sound works? Like I want to hear her poor choice of music selection. She’s got a gobbler looking neck and a large FUPA. Don’t know what FUPA is? Ask around – it’s a good one. I bet she makes a mean cookie but never bakes anymore due to her loveless marriage and hatred of her husband. I’d also bet she’s a young grandma. She just looks like she might have raised a “loose” daughter.
- Hipster Couple: What is there to say about these Subaru Outback drivers, except that I want to be like them! They’re in their late 40’s, wearing outdoor clothing, sipping a coffee at 11:00am, have their dog outside and seem to be happy with each other. I hope I’m like that when I’m their age. However, I’d prefer Lindsay to not be so beat up in the face. As happy as they appear, I’d be a little upset if Lindsay looked like she might have had a stroke.
- Dude In His Late 50’s: He looks like my dad if my dad dressed a little more hip. However, he is having trouble with his iPad. It looks brand new and he looks confused. Old people and technology are like oil & water. Bless his soul.
- The Barista: He’s good at his job and knows the names of a lot of customers that are coming in. I’d guess he’s in his early 20’s and a regular pot smoker. So, just like the chubby Latino fella with a knife…I bet he’s cool and I could totally hang out with him.
- Another Cute Couple: The girl could do WAY better. This nerd totally lucked out. She’s good looking and there is a real nice sh*tter on that critter.
Lindsay’s Note: Through all this silliness and judgement, Jay didn’t even notice the two men discussing a lawsuit. It seemed like a big one. I couldn’t understand the whole story, but I did hear ….situation like this before…..something we’ve never dealt with….sensitivity towards the family….protect our assets….I’ll guide you if anything dangerous arises….I’M NOT KIDDING! There were two men, one seemingly working for the other one, talking about some sort of scandal in their workplace and Jay completely missed it. Whattawaste.