Welp, we have a new ongoing dilemma in the How to Get Married the Wrong Way saga of our lives.
I don’t know what to do about my name.
To clarify, this isn’t a REAL dilemma, like “do we pull the plug on our 16 year old comatose daughter” or anything like that. I’m marrying the best guy ever, we’re super happy, and employed, and healthy so….not a real dilemma.
The non-dilemma IS ongoing, though.
The options are endless, aren’t they? Keep my name. Hyphenate. Take Jay’s name.
His last name is Hastings and mine is Howerton. The benefit to this is that my monogram won’t change. I don’t own anything monogrammed, but if I did that would be a benefit.
Also. Signature. Mine is an L, an H, and a scribble so…..phew. Don’t have to worry about learning to scribble a new capitalized cursive letter.
That was a joke, just like my signature. It’s awful, but it’s not changing.
I think maybe the reason why I’m having this decision-making issue is that I don’t really care? I’m definitely not the girl who’s like, dreamed her whole life of, like, taking her husbands name, but I’m also not feminist enough that NO ONE IS TAKING MY IDENTITY DAMN IT.
Because, when all is said and done, my identity isn’t going anywhere, is it? I’ll be as bossy and whiny and half-zen yet beef-loving as ever after we get married, no matter what I do with my name.
The only things that are KIND OF concerns are 1. if I want to have the same name as my children (assuming I don’t change), and 2. once I start working in therapy and registering myself in that profession it’ll be really difficult to change my name.
So, while I’m not making myself have a decision by our wedding, it’s gotta happen soon-ish.
So, the options. Lindsay Dawn Howerton is my name. Right now. Has been for 27 years and 2 months so far. If I take Jay’s last name I’ll likely drop the Dawn and save it for a daughter that I might have. My mom did that when she got married, and I like it. 🙂
So then we’d have Lindsay Howerton Hastings.
Or what about Lindsay Dawn Howerton-Hastings? Or no middle name with a hyphenation?
I don’t hate the idea of hyphenating AT ALL, and if someone forced me to choose today I think that would be my option. I love my last name, and I’m the oldest of 4 girls. Sure, we might not all get married, and we have boy cousins, but still.
Also. I might just…..try on a few for size in the coming months? After we get married, before I legally change anything? Then I can keep my legal name for taxes, but go by other names for funzies. My bff hasn’t changed her name but routinely gets called her husband’s name – it’s like changing your outfit all the time!
For Jay’s part, he doesn’t care. Not in a bad way, and I do think that if I took his name he’d be thrilled and flattered, but not in a “you don’t love me unless you do this” way. I’m hesitant to even tell you this because MORE THAN THREE TIMES I’ve been accused of being a commitment-phobe because of the name thing. Please understand, this has nothing to do with me thinking I need to preserve my name in case I get divorced. I know that sounds harsh, but the accusing of ANYTHING REMOTELY CLOSE TO THAT is super mean and kind of ugly so….please stop, haters.
Ok, tell me what to do. You all did REALLY well on the ring thing so – have at it!
Unless you’re going to question my commitment to Jay, in which case I’ll become ZERO ZEN and yell atcha.
Please and thank you for the help, stories you’ve heard, what you’ve done, and all that jazz. Also thank you for looking at all the pictures of the man that I’m not committed enough to change my name for just yet.