So, my turn?
I don’t have things to say that are as sweet as what Jay said. Not that I don’t think them, I do, I just think I say things like that a lot and, you know, it’s THE YEAR, so we should be more creative?
Of course, marrying Jay is the most bestest thing that I’ve done so far in these 28 years. I waited a lot of time for him, and kissed a lot of frogs, but hot dawg if it wasn’t worth the wait. He’s right, we do fight, and we do laugh, but mainly we enjoy each other. A lot.
Throughout this week we’ve been getting asked by all sorts of folks about the first year of marriage, and what it was like, and we both kind of stare blankly at each other when that happens. It’s not like anything, it’s our life! We just kind of do what we do and fingers crossed that it works. It’s a tiny bit more intentional than that, but not really. My sister asked me what happened this year relating to our marriage that was unexpected, and the truth was that I was surprised how easy it was. We had several people go on and on about the “hardest year of your life” and I think a part of me believed it. Like Jay who I wanted to marry would shift to someone I hated the second we did it?
It didn’t happen, sorry to say for those people. It’s not that he’s perfect, or I’m perfect, or our relationship is perfect. It’s just that we actively choose not to be miserable about things that aren’t really miserable. When you get down to it, we have a great life with only first world problems, and everything else is just silliness. We don’t have enough money for something frivolous? We just stop thinking about getting it. We feel lost about job paths? Well, we both currently have jobs. We also have some kind of an unspoken time limit on fights, no matter how big or small. After about 15 minutes we retreat, and then whoever gets over it first after about 30 minutes says so, then we find something to laugh about, and move on. There’s always something to laugh about, no matter how bleak things seem.
We do fight about babies, and that is probably hilarious to God or whoever watches us fight. Basically, we both fluctuate between YES THE TIME IS NOW to OMG NO WE’RE SOOOO YOUNG (we’re not), but on exactly opposite schedules. Jay cares way less about babies than I do and doesn’t believe that there is an age limit for such production, but that’s not really the point. The second he’s all “yeah, maybe this year” I start to freak out that I HAVEN’T DONE ALL THE THINGS and if I go all “maybe go off the pill soon?” he gets on his high horse that PLENTY OF PEOPLE have kids at 67 or whatever asinine cutoff age he picks that day and I dissolve into some sort of childless overemotional puddle.
It’s precious, really.
For the record, I’m not asking for anyone to offer any advice about when to have children. We’re contradictory enough, don’t you think? No help needed there, please and thank you.
The year, for me, has been great. It’s left me excited for more, and thankful for an easy year. Things will get hard. I had a moment a few months ago where I said out loud to Jay “our parents are going to die!” like it hadn’t occurred to me yet. It sort of…hadn’t. Not that people would get old and die, I get that. But, the thought that we’d still be together when more and more important and sad and happy and monumental things happen didn’t sink in for several months after our actual wedding. The whole we’re in this for better or for worse. You say it, but I think the learning and doing of the vows is something that happens bit by bit over time.
We might try to have a baby before I turn 67, though. I’ll win that one.