Weeks 1-6? Is there a week zero? I don’t know how these things work. I’m still grasping with the fact that due dates aren’t calculated based on when egg fertilization actually occurs.
So, there’s that.
Anyway. I’m pregnant. But I just told the earth last week, give or take a few people, and so now clearly we need to rehash every thing that happened in those first 13 weeks because WHEW bodies are weird. I started to make a list of Things I’d Wish I’d Known but then I decided I really didn’t care that I was learning as I go, so I’m not going to try to be all WE SHOULD BE MORE INFORMED, even though I have some choice words for people who really have no idea about the birds and the bees and the state of maternity leave and healthcare in our country. Those people should be more informed, but I’m fine just kind of being weirded out most days by this bod and the leech inside of me.
And yes, at this point, the thing is a leech. Pro-lifer’s be damned, that thing is STILL taking all my food and motivation and desire to eat healthy foods. My kid really likes Chick Fil A, incidentally.
So, back in September I went off the pill, and then proceeded to barely see my husband for 6 months due to travel and holidays and work and we had some seriously funny unintentional family planning happening up in here. I am not going to talk about fertility because we just…were. It was our experience, and I can’t emphasize enough that I’m fully aware how very lucky we were to never have to worry about actually getting pregnant.
The thought of anything else under the sun being wrong with our child? Don’t worry, we have plenty of that to go around.
Anyway, March rolled around, I was still travelling a ton but Jay came with me on a trip that fell on my birthday, and as my friend Julia said to Jay, “You Dog.” You know how it goes. Sake was involved. #romance
So then, we KEPT working too hard and travelling a lot. I had been using the P Tracker app to kind of keep a handle on my innards (because do you REALLY remember when your period is when you don’t write it down somewhere?), so in April I knew there was a shot that we had done the thing at the right time if all was working right, which of course who ever knows. Then, said expected P-day came and went and I got kind of curious, but I felt kind of fine and normal and thought there was no way we’d get THAT lucky, so I went about life as per the usual. My usual life involves boxed wine, bee tee dubs.
So then we were supposed to go to NYC (not supposed to, we did), and I kind of felt like crap and attributed it to too many happy hours, which was weird because I’d kind of been home a lot and sleeping a lot. Logic. so we went to the city for work + play, and I felt like crud. So tired, but couldn’t sleep well, only certain foods were appealing, I DIDN’T WANT TO DRINK, and then my poop got weird. Its hard to describe (and for your sake I won’t try), but normal textures and schedules were just off. You need to pay attention to these things about yourselves, people. It can be a sign! Of anything!
Jay and I spent one of our NYC nights in Hoboken with our friends Dan and Meredith and their two girls, and that night as we were heading back to the city we both agreed that we kiiiiiind of hoped that I was pregnant, but of course then spent the rest of the weekend just pretending like all was normal and nothing would ever change. Denial is great sometimes, my friends. The rest of the weekend was wonderful but exhausting, and when we got home I couldn’t think about anything else, so I pretended to go take a shower and took a pregnancy test while Jay told the dogs about our weekend. No joke.
You know what that ish said. I didn’t take a picture of it. Google Positive Pregnancy Test and you’ll get the gist. LUCKILY in some fit of strange preparation for family building I had bought some kind of economy pack of pee-sticks, so after seeing one positive test I took two more. In a 5 minute span. Like a crazy person. Then I took a shower because airplanes are gross. I kind of whimpered and it was all very strange with every single emotion that I own running through my body and also ZERO sleep. We took a 7:30am flight but were out until 3 the last night in NYC, which means that I found out I was pregnant after 3 hours of sleep and some very nauseating plane rides and no food.
So, I hauled my emotional ass out of the shower and hid the tests in a box because Jay was hollering that he wanted to take a shower too and WHAT was I doing in there? So I lay on the bed while he got his plane funk situation handled, and thought about the best way to approach this….news. I’d read all these things about women waiting a week or more to tell their partner and cute buns in actual ovens and WHAT THE HELL. No. I made it through a 4 minute shower, then Jay came out, still talking to the dogs, and I said “I took a pregnancy test.” And Jay for some reason thought they took 30 minutes or something and said “when do we find out?” Which, of course, was right that very minute. CUE ROLLER COASTER OF EMOTIONS ROUND TWO. We kind of stared at each other, then hugged, then kind of a few tears, then we started talking about all the other things we’ve been talking about/working on that don’t involve kids, then kind of got subdued, then FELL ASLEEP. Because of the whole up all night thing. No joke. We found out I was pregnant in a really unceremonious way wearing baggy t-shirts and underwear and seriously had no idea how to feel even though we’d been hoping for this and then fell asleep. It was the weirdest.
At that point, I calculated that I was 4 weeks from the … deed … but due to the dumb laws of due-date calculation the internet (and the midwives, since then) had me at 6 weeks pregnant. You get two free weeks starting from the first day of your last missed period, give or take. So that’s kind of nice because 6 weeks felt like SOMETHING but 4 weeks is like…big deal this is probably not going to stay in your body? Just my feelings as we went through it. So we knew. And we sat on the information for a few days.
And then we started to tell people, in what we thought were clever ways, and that’s a story for next week.