This is an actual entire email I received from Jay regarding a blog post we are working on together. …
This is without a doubt the dish I made that unfailingly yields the best response. Especially in situations in which I want to impress people whilst putting forth little to no effort, this is my go-to dish. As Jay says, it’s the epitome of “less is more.” There are FIVE ingredients in these tomatoes and they are amazing every time.
Roasting the tomatoes takes a few hours, so allow yourself time to be home for awhile so you don’t burn down your house – that would be super annoying.
If you’d like to learn about a food that is intoxicatingly good and simple to make, lets get started!
This is the final installation of a three part series on one of Jay’s better career decisions. Start from the beginning with part 1, here.
Family friendly….a term open for interpretation.
This nudist resort considers itself to be a “family friendly” environment. They encourage people to bring their children and introduce them to the wonderful, frequently sunburned lifestyle of being a nudist. Now color me old fashion, but if I ever went horseback riding with my naked mother and father, I’m pretty sure you could still hear my dick screaming. I just don’t see how in the world that this type of activity could or should ever be considered a “family friendly” activity. As for me and mine, I’m glad we stuck to fully-clothed trips to Myrtle Beach. Anyway, after 10pm the Swingers come out and the “family” vibe goes out the window. The Game Room is where the freaks congregate. It’s a smaller bar at the back of the resort and it has some video poker machines, a pool stable and a dance floor. I had been drinking steadily since the late afternoon and was drunk. I’m not bragging about the fact that I was drunk, but you need to know for the sake of the story that I was loaded. Clit ring girl is there with her skinny, redneck manfriend and they’re shooting pool. They asked Justin and I to join. Justin sucks at pool, but I accepted their offer. Pool is the worst game to play naked. When you’ve got to reach over the table to hit a runner down the rail, you have to rub your goodies all over the table. Literally, my balls were in the pockets, and my ass was on display for the world to see. It’s hard to focus on your shot when you’re worried about possible dingle berry sightings on your backside (yes, I saw dingle berries on other people).
Show Business/Showing Your Business
Note – in case you missed it, this is the second in a three-part saga of the time Jay performed at a nudist colony. Naked.
Read part 1 here.
The bartender was a 50-year-old woman and she had a great set of tits. I mean for an old woman they were incredible. Natural and tan line free. Justin got a cup of coffee and I got a vodka tonic – I was getting loose. By this time more people had started to filter into the lodge. They were all chitchatting and drinking and having a wonderful clothes-free evening. Another bartender walked up behind the bar. He was an Asian man and he did nothing to dispel the rumor that Asian men have small units. I mean, you had to stare to find it. It looked more like a cancerous growth than a male sexual reproductive organ, and that made me feel so much better about myself. If that dude can let the stallion out of the stable, then I don’t have a thing to worry about. Justin and I politely excused ourselves and headed to the indoor pool and got in the hot tub. We were the only ones in there and were cracking jokes on everyone. Then, two couples showed up. We told them we were the entertainment for the evening and we started to talk. Unfortunately, one of the men chose to sit on the side of the hot tub making his dong and testicles directly at eye level. I’ve never been more tempted ask someone, “So, how’s it hangin’?” The other couple split off and went into the adjacent hot tub and I’m 99% confident that a hand job was being awarded to that man in that highly chlorinated water. The awkwardness was growing by the second……
Part 1: Rising to the Challenge
I was emceeing at the DC Improv for Greg Giraldo when Mr. Bob saw me perform. Mr. Bob thought I was the funniest comedian in the show. At least, that’s what he said in his email when he contacted me to perform at his nudist resort. He enjoyed himself immensely at the comedy club and wanted to bring that experience back to his nudist resort in West Virginia. After seeing me perform I guess he thought that a room full of naked people would really enjoy my filthy, vulgar, mildly racist comedy. After reading his email, I called him immediately. I was so excited by the idea of performing at a nudist colony. I mean where else can you tell jokes with your cock exposed, get paid for it and not get arrested? I sold Mr. Bob hook, line and sinker. I booked myself and my friend Justin Schlegel to perform on the show. We were to be paid $1,000 each and all we had to do was tell jokes for 45 mins with our wieners dangling out for everyone to stare at and judge. Sign me up!
Awkwardtown, here I come.