We have arrived at the total downhill mark of things. After 30 weeks it felt kind of like an uphill battle to get to 35 without being so terribly all the time impatient, but NOW. Now we can say that, if full-term ends up being a thing, we will have our baby in 2 to 7 weeks (I’ll be induced on day 1 of week 42 if homegirl doesn’t make an appearance before then). A 5 week window of health is wide for those of us who like to plan, but so be it. Two more weeks, and then we just…wait. Do normal things, work, practice car seat stuff, have Thanksgiving, and wait.
I’m a little bit impatient.
Physically, I’m gradually slowing down. I’ve gotten progressively achier and more tired, and have had a glorious cold to make everything extra special in the meantime. I’m down to 3 yoga classes a week, and in a few weeks I won’t be teaching at all, which is so weird. Yoga is more and more uncomfortable unless I’m doing prenatal yoga, so it’s definitely time to let it go. The belly is just…there, you know? Folds or anything involving legs near shoulders just don’t work the way they used to, but I’m proud of the fact that I made it this long teaching a pretty rigorous schedule.
The pain I’m in comes almost exclusively from my ligaments under my belly, which just get TIRED after too much walking or standing. I’ve also started to have some awful sciatic pain in my right hip that gets to me after too many hours of sitting down. If I stand for too long my ligaments hurt, if I sit for too long my right hip bone feels like it’s going to snap in half. That particular pain is the absolute worst, take-your-breath-away kind of thing. I can avoid it if I make sure to get up and down throughout the day, but once I’ve been sitting for too long and it sets in there is no fixing it until I either can be nearly totally reclined on a couch or in bed, which is super not cool when it hits about 2 hours before work is over and then I have to drive home. Driving with that pain is my least favorite thing so far about pregnancy. …
Jay just got the courage up to write about the night in birth class that included birth videos. On the drive home that night he was QUIET, and it took awhile for him to process what he’d seen.
Week three of birthing class was intense. While the first two weeks of class were lecture based with group conversations, week three focused on videos. Unedited, raw, no green-screen digital effects, real-as-shit video. These videos should be shown in high schools everywhere. They’d be the best condom commercials ever. These are films that John Carpenter, Sam Rami, Eli Roth, and Wes Craven would have been proud of. I remember the first time I ever saw a porno movie and being excited to experience first hand what I was witnessing. It would take me many, many years to remotely come close to the action I saw in that video, and so I guess part of the shock of these birthing videos is the immediacy of birth. While these birthing videos were just as graphic and moan-filled as any porn I’ve seen, they were also just as terrifying as any horror movie I’ve seen. It’s scary because you don’t want to see the woman you love be in pain. It’s terrifying because you can’t do anything except be calm (which seems fucking impossible), supportive, and try to keep her as relaxed as possible. I totally understand a doula’s purpose. I would love a coach just for me. When a pitcher is struggling in a baseball game, the manager will walk out to the mound and help calm the pitcher down and reassure him of his ability. I need that in the delivery room. I want that in the delivery room. “Jay, get your head in the
game delivery room. She needs you in there. Stop crying, be a man! Now get in there and be a positive, caring support system for your beautiful wife.” YOU GOT IT MAKE-BELIEVE DOULA!